MAE WEST JEWEL ROBBERY

She made scandal stylish

Written and produced by

John F. Barber

CC BY-NC-ND 4.0
(https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/)
Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 4.0 International

Re-Imagined Radio
Season 14, Episode 03

Final draft

MAE WEST JEWEL ROBBERY

She made scandal stylish

Re-Imagined Radio
Season 14, Episode 03, RiR #95
Final Draft

Premier broadcast: March 16, 2026

Written, Produced, Hosted by John F. Barber

Post production, original music, sound design by Marc Rose

Graphics by Evan Leyden with Holly Slocum

Social Media strategies by Caitlyn Kruger-Lesperance

Announcing and YouTube strategies by Rylan Eisenhauer

Synopsis
Re-Imagined Radio presents "Mae West Jewel Robbery," episode #95, a tribute to Womens' History Month and Mae West as an advocate for women's rights, liberation, and equality. We sample from West's early stage and screen career, a dramatized robbery, and two rare radio appearances to demonstrate West's imitable way of making scandal stylish.

West was outspoken, controversial. A woman who claimed her own sexuality. Fearful of censorship, radio programs avoided West. Her known radio appearances are very few. Her role, other than interviewee, are even more rare. However, throughout her career, West challenged how the status quo thought women should act. Attempts to censor and silence Mae West only increased her status as an international icon.

Credits
Charles Frederick Lindsley as narrator
Sergeant Jesse Rosenquist, L.A.P.D., as Police Dispatcher
Martha Wentworth as Mae West

Color Code
Yellow highlighted text = sound effect(s), either pre-recorded or live.

text example = text that could be deleted as needed.

Magenta highlighted text with strike through = text deleted for episode timing

MUSIC = pre-recorded

MUSIC = bespoke, created for this episode

Works Cited

Bader, Robert S. Zeppo: The Reluctant Marx Brother. Rowman & Littlefied, 2024.

Eells, George and Stanley Musgrove. Mae West: A Biography. William Morrow and Company, 1982.

"Film Folks Victims of Tip-Off in Bandit Craze, Cops Believe." Variety, 24 Jan. 1933, vol. 109, no. 7, p. 1. https://archive.org/details/variety109-1933-01/page/n225/mode/2up

"FindLaw," https://caselaw.findlaw.com/court/ca-court-of-appeal/1779999.html

"Justia U.S. Law," https://law.justia.com/cases/california/court-of-appeal/2d/2/724.html

"Mae West Departs From Workhouse." New York Times, 28 Apr. 1927, p. 27

"Mae West Is Robbed." New York Times, 14 Oct. 1932, p. 22.

"Mae West Jailed with Two Producers." New York Times, 20 Apr. 1927, pp. 1, 14.

"Mae West, Stage and Movie Star Who Burlesqued Sex, Dies at 87." New York Times, 23 Nov. 1980. https://archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/specials/magazine4/articles/west1.html

"New Follies Show." New York Herald/The Sun. 23 Sep. 1911, vol 79, no 23, p. 5. https://www.newspapers.com/image/208667103/

"New Skit Shown at Folies Bergere; It Is Called 'A la Broadway,' and It Aims to be a Satire on Musical Comedy." New York Times, 23 Sep. 1911.

Schachter, Lou. Medium. Lust for Power, 8 Aug. 2025.
https://medium.com/lust-for-power/come-up-and-see-me-sometime-7a98c8ea7c16

Thackery, William O. and Kevin Thomas. "From the Archives: Mae West, Epitome of Witty Sexuality, Dies." Los Angeles Times, 23 Nov. 1980. https://www.latimes.com/local/obituaries/la-me-mae-west-19801123-story.html

Watts, Jill. Mae West: An Icon in Black and White. Oxford University Press, 2001.

"Zeppo Marx Buys Into Bren-Orsatti Agency." Variety, Mar. 27, 1934, vol 114 no 2, p. 3. https://archive.org/details/variety113-1934-03/page/n201/mode/2up; Quoted in Bader, p. 104

Variety, vol 24, no 3, p. ***. https://archive.org/details/simvariety1911-09-23243

COLD OPEN
SFX: SAMPLE FROM "CALLING ALL CARS" EPISODE BEGINNING, RACING POLICE CARS WITH SIRENS, VOICE ON RADIO"
JESSE ROSENQUIST. LAPD DISPATCHER
Los Angeles Police calling all cars. Attention all cars. Broadcast 69. A hold up. Suspect subscribed as 5 feet 10 or 11 inches tall. Weight about 190 pounds. Escape in a maroon colored coupe. License number unknown. The suspect held up and robbed Mae West, motion picture actress of more than $15,000 in cash and jewelry. That is all. Got get 'em boys. That's all. Rosenquist.
THEME AND ANNOUNCER
MUSIC: RIR THEME
ANNOUNCER
Welcome to Re-Imagined Radio, a program about sound-based storytelling. With each episode we explore how dialogue, sound effects, and music can engage your listening imagination and promote storytelling. Here to tell you about THIS episode is John Barber, producer and host.
HOST OPEN
HOST
Hello everyone. Welcome to Re-Imagined Radio. This episode, number ninety-five, is our Womens' History Month tribute.
It's also a documentary about a woman who controlled her own image, persona, and sexuality. A controversial star of stage and screen, she made scandal stylish with her bawdy banter.
A robbery at gunpoint and a high profile court trial brought more attention to our subject. A dramatization based on police and courtroom records was produced by Calling All Cars, one of radio's earliest police procedural programs.
However, uncomfortable with our subject, fearful of controversy and censorship, radio executives insisted she be depicted by an impersonator. We sample this program in our episode.
Her other known radio appearances are rare. Perhaps they number less than ten. Roles other than interviewee are even more rare.
We sample two radio skits by our subject. One resulted in a strong letter from the Federal Communications Commission.
Never deterred by controversy, our subject championed women's rights, sexual liberation, and equality in her own inimitable style. She challenged the way the status quo thought women should act. Attempts to censor and silence her only elevated her status as an international icon.
As you may have guessed, the subject of our episode is Mae West. We call this episode "Mae West Jewel Robbery." It's an interesting story. Stick around and listen in.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
HOST
Our story takes place in Hollywood, motion picture capital of the world.
It's 1932. Mae West is there, working on her first motion picture, Night After Night starring George Raft.
West, an American actress, singer, comedian, screenwriter, and playwright is already recognized for portraying sexually confident female characters, with her sultry looks, sensual voices, and bawdy innuendos.
SFX: RECORDED MAE WEST QUOTES
MAE WEST
"When I’m good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better."
"Why don't you come up sometime, see me?"
"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."
"Well when I'm caught between two evils I generally like to take the one I never tried."
"What's the good of resisting temptation? There'll always be more."
HOST
That's Mae West. Called by radio historian Frank Bresee [Bre-ZEE] [QUOTE]"an American institution, a star of stars, a legend in her own lifetime, the Empress of sex and wit."[UNQUOTE] Others call her "Queen of Innuendo." And, she has a penchant for diamonds.
In September, sitting in a car, she's robbed at gunpoint of her diamonds and cash.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself in the telling of this story. Let's back up a bit.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
ACT #1, BROADWAY
HOST
Born Mary Jane West in Brooklyn, August 17, 1893, she is known by her nickname, "Mae" throughout her life. Her mother is a corset and fashion model. Her father, a livery stable owner.
Both encourage Mae's interest in entertaining. She first performs as "Baby Mae" in a church social at age five. By seven she is singing and tap dancing in amateur shows, frequently winning prizes in local talent contests. At fourteen she is performing professional vaudeville with the Hal Clarendon Stock Company.
Her Broadway career begins September 22, 1911, at age eighteen, in the Ned Wayburn revue A la Broadway and Hello Paris. As Maggie O'Hara, West performs a song and dance titled "They Are Irish," backed by a twenty-four-person ensemble.
The next morning's newspapers are full of favorable remarks.
SFX: RECORDED VOICE READING 1911 NEW YORK TIMES REVIEW
NEW YORK TIMES (STEVE BECKER)
"A girl named Mae West, hitherto unknown, pleased by her grotesquerie and a snappy way of singing and dancing" ("New Skit Shown at Folies Bergere." New York Times.)
SFX: RECORDED VOICE READING 1911 THE SUN REVIEW
THE SUN
"Miss Mae West had a song or two that went pretty well and she danced with considerable grace and originality" ("New Follies Show." The Sun. Sep. 23, 1911, p. 5; Quoted in Watts, p. 32).
SFX: RECORDED VOICE READING 1911 NEW YORK TRIBUNE
NEW YORK TRIBUNE
" ... there  were  some  shining  lights  in the  cast, notably Miss Mae West, who  played the part of a wise, flip  maid. She danced in Turkish harem trousers in a most energetic, amusing and carefree  manner" (New York Tribune, 23 Sept. 1911, pp. 25, 29??).
SFX: RECORDED VOICE READING 1911 NEW YORK TRIBUNE REVIEW
NEW YORK TRIBUNE
"We applaud Mae West for showing a bit of a sense of nonsense, which is the very latest addition to wit." (Quoted in Watts, p. 32)
HOST
She appears with Al Jolson in Very Violette, November 20, 1911, and, in 1918, opposite Ed Wynn as Mamie Dyne in Arthur Hammerstein's Sometime, where she introduces the "Shimmy" dance to Broadway, and causes quite the stir.
Her first Broadway starring role is as Margie LaMont in Sex, April 26, 1926 to March 19, 1927, at Daly's 63rd Street Theatre. West, then age 26, wrote, produced, directed, and appeared in the play under the alias "Jane Mast."
Eleven months after opening, following a pressure campaign by the Society for the Suppression of Vice, Mae West, the cast, and two backers are arrested on stage. Sex is closed. West is convicted by a jury of providing a performance that, according to a report in the New York Times, [QUOTE] "Tended to corrupt the morals of youth and others"[UNQUOTE] ("Mae West Jailed with Two Producers." New York Times, pp. 1, 14).
HOST
Twenty-two individuals, including West, face jail time. West could pay a $500 fine and be done. But she chooses the ten-day jail sentence for its publicity value. When released, April 28, 1927, eight days later--two days dropped from her sentence for good behavior--The New York Times reports ...
SFX: RECORDED VOICE READING FROM 1927 NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE
NEW YORK TIMES (STEVE BECKER)
Mae West, author, producer and star of Sex, was released from Welfare Island yesterday after spending ten days in the workhouse as punishment for giving immoral theatrical performances. She announced that she intended to go to Chicago to play in Sex, and that she did not think the authorities there would agree with the New York officials who decided that the play was indecent.
The actress declared that she had gathered material for "a dozen plays" during her workhouse term and that she intended to write them.
Miss West said her experiences in jail had not been as unpleasant as she had expected, and that she was glad to have received a new angle on life. She announced that hereafter she would devote some of her time to philanthropy, especially in getting jobs for some of the unfortunates whom she met on Welfare Island.
Warden Harry Schleth of the workhouse said Miss West had turned over to him a check for $1,000 which she received for a magazine article on her workhouse experiences. The money would be used, he announced, to start a Mae West Memorial Prison Library.
He denied that Miss West had received any special favors as an inmate. She had done as much work as any other inmate, he said; had cared for her own room, dusted the books in the library, mingled with the others in an unpretentious manner and had worn the regular prison garb with the exception of a pair of white stockings she purchased from the commissary ("Mae West Departs From Workhouse." New York Times, p. 27).
HOST
West continues to write controversial plays. The Drag (1927) and The Pleasure Man (1928) are both notable. But Diamond Lil is West's biggest success, and the play that marks her theatrical career.
For nine months, April to September 1928, at New York's Royale Theatre, West develops her persona as Diamond Lil, a powerful, independent, diamond-studded woman.
Fast forward to 1932. Mae West is invited to Hollywood by George Raft. He's starring in Paramount's production of Night After Night and recommends West for the role of fast-talking Maudie Triplett, a woman with her inimitable presence and dialogue.
SFX: RECORDED VOICE REPRESENTING GEORGE RAFT SPEAKING ABOUT WEST
GEORGE RAFT
We met and worked together in New York vaudeville and stage performances. I knew she'd be the best for the role of Maudie and would bring a lot of attention to the movie.
HOST
Although she appears in only four scenes, West rewrites the script to favor her character, and makes her mark as Maudie Triplett, walking into Joe Anton's (George Raft's) nightclub. The hat check woman admires her diamonds.
SFX: SAMPLE FROM "NIGHT AFTER NIGHT"
WEST/TRIPLETT
Don't let those guys in. They'll wreck the place. Hey, Gorilla! Come here. 
MAÎTRE D'HÔTEL
Hello, Maudie.
WEST/TRIPLETT
Where's Joe? I gotta see that little rat.
MAÎTRE D'HÔTEL
Well, he's pretty busy right now, Maudie.
WEST/TRIPLETT
Don't give me that. You give it to me twice over the phone.
MAÎTRE D'HÔTEL
Yeah, no, Maudie.
WEST/TRIPLETT
No sale, no sale. I'm gonna see him tonight.
MAÎTRE D'HÔTEL
Well, you wait right here, and I'll go upstairs and see if he's there.
WEST/TRIPLETT
I'll be right up after you. (TO HAT CHECK WOMAN) Oh, honey, how's business?
HAT CHECK WOMAN
Fine.
WEST/TRIPLETT
You been insulted lately?
HAT CHECK WOMAN
My goodness, what beautiful diamonds.
WEST/TRIPLETT
Goodness had nothing to do with it dearie.
HOST
Her success with Night After Night leads Mae West to a starring role in the 1933 Paramount movie version of her play, Diamond Lil.
West picks Cary Grant as the leading man which essentially launches his career. In one memorable scene, Grant, the manager of a Salvation Army boarding house, and West, owner and manager of a honky-tonk bar, discuss her more than ample display of diamonds.
SFX: SAMPLE FROM "DIAMOND LIL"
CARY GRANT
"I'm sorry that you think more of your diamonds than you do of your soul."
MAE WEST
"I'm sorry that you think more of my soul than my diamonds."
HOST
In another scene, West brushes off an admirer's litany of her attributes ...
SFX: SAMPLE FROM DIAMOND LIL
ADMIRER
"Your hands, your lips, your hair, your magnificent shoulders . . !
MAE WEST
"What're you doin' honey, makin' love or takin' inventory?"
HOST
As motion picture successes continue, West continues her independent lifestyle. She lives alone, with her diamonds, furs, and pet monkey, Revolver, at Ravenswood Apartments, 570 North Rossmore Avenue, Los Angeles, until her death in 1980.
And it's there, in a car, September 28, 1932, that West is robbed at gun point of her cash and diamond jewelry.
West is the latest person associated with a string of jewelry robberies. The earliest robberies were reported in January. Several more occurred in the following months. In each instance, a group of three to four polite and well dressed masked thieves relieve motion picture people of their cash and jewelry.
The Los Angeles Police think these robberies are conducted by an organized group operating with information from an inside person. Someone who knows the movie business community. Knows who has jewelry. Where it is kept. When it might be worn.
But who is this "inside person"?
Biographer Robert S. Bader considers the possibility it's Zeppo Marx, who with his brothers Groucho, Chico, and Harpo forms The Four Marx Brothers, famous vaudeville, radio, motion pictures, and later, television entertainers. They arrive in Hollywood soon after Mae West.
According to Bader, Zeppo needs cash to buy a Hollywood talent agency. Using insurance payments for stolen jewelry might be one way to raise the funds.
It's an interesting story. And if you want to know more, please visit the episode page at our website, reimagined radio [dot] fm.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
HOST
Mae West reports her robbery to the Los Angeles District Attorney Buron Fitts the night it happens. He refers the case to the Los Angeles Police Department.
Their report, released two weeks later, attracts immediate attention.
The New York Times reports the robbery, on October 13, 1932.
SFX: RECORDED VOICE READING FROM 1932 NEW YORK TIMES ARTICLE
NEW YORK TIMES (STEVE BECKER)
Police revealed today that Mae West, Broadway actress of "Diamond Lil" fame, was robbed two weeks ago of nearly $20,000 in jewelry and cash.
Investigators said that two days after the robbery a telephone call was received by Miss West at her home, informing her that her purse could be recovered in a vacant lot near the centre of Hollywood. She went there and found the purse with her personal papers.
Miss West was returning home from a friend's house early in the evening of Sept. 28, when a tall, heavy-set man thrust a revolver into her car as it entered the driveway and obtained the money and jewelry ("Mae West Is Robbed," p. 22).
("Mae West, Stage and Movie Star Who Burlesqued Sex, Dies at 87" New York Times, Nov. 23, 1980).
(Thackrey, Ted O. and Kevin Thomas. "From the Archives: Mae West, Epitome of Witty Sexuality, Dies" Los Angeles Times, Nov. 23, 1980).
HOST
West's stolen jewelry includes a diamond necklace, a diamond bracelet, a diamond ring, and a wrist watch with a diamond encrusted band (Schachter).
West's purse, also stolen, contains $3,400 in cash recently withdrawn from a bank. When returned, the purse is empty. No cash. No diamonds.
Mae West pushes the Los Angeles police for results, noting her suspicions of her recently hired driver Henry O. Voiler.
Voiler is from Chicago, where he and West met. After arriving in Hollywood, he quickly connects with West, learns that her limousine is being repaired, and volunteers his car and services as her driver (Watts 145, Eells and Musgrove 139).
He is with West, in his car, when she is robbed, the evening of September 28 (Watts 150, Bader 116, Eells and Musgrove 140).
We'll learn more about this when we sample "The Mae West Jewel Robbery" episode of Calling All Cars, coming up shortly.
Voiler claims he received a telephone call from the robber, offering to return West's jewelry for $5,000. She refuses. Voiler later reports a lower, $3,000 ransom. Which West also rejects (Watts 151, Eells and Musgrove 140-141).
Voiler is held briefly by the Los Angeles Police, but with no evidence to tie him to the robbery he's released and told to leave town. He goes to Chicago, and later, Miami, Florida (Watts 168).
LAPD investigates Voiler's known associates and identifies Edward "Happy" Friedman, a Chicago gangster, as a person of interest.
Arrested, held for thirty six hours, and questioned repeatedly, Friedman admits to the Mae West jewel robbery. He names Voiler as the mastermind, and Morris Cohen, a Detroit gangster, as an accomplice (Watts 182).
Voiler resists extradition attempts and avoids trial until the case is dropped when Friedman recants his earlier testimony, saying his guilty plea was coerced by police beatings (Bader 296, Watts 182, Eells and Musgrove 141).
Friedman goes to trial. Mae West is determined to testify (Bader 115). Threatening telephone calls and rumors that Chicago gangsters plan to throw acid in her face can not deter her determination. A heavy protection detail of LAPD officers probably helps (Watts 183).
Friedman is charged and convicted of robbing Mae West. (Justia U.S. Law; FindLaw).
Morris Cohen? Disappeared. In the wind. (Watts 182).
MUSIC: FUSEBOX THEME FOR BREAK, FADE OUT FOR VOICE INTRODUCTION
THE FUSEBOX BREAK
HOST
This is John Barber. Thank you for listening to "Mae West Jewel Robbery," episode #95 of Re-Imagined Radio. While we prepare the studio for the next part of our episode, let me tell you about "The Fusebox Show." If you're concerned with the state of current events and news, "The Fusebox Show" is definitely for you.
Produced by Marc Rose, Milt Kanes, and Jeff Pollard, each episode features unique conversation and commentary that goes where even late night television talk show hosts fear to tread. Listen to these examples.
MUSIC: FUSEBOX THEME, FADE UNDER AND OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING
SFX: THE FUSEBOX SHOW TEASER
HOST
"The Fusebox Show" is available as podcasts. Learn more at their website, thefuseboxshow dot com.
MUSIC: FUSEBOX THEME, FADE UNDER AND OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING
ACT #2, CALLING ALL CARS
HOST
You're listening to Re-Imagined Radio. Our episode is "Mae West Jewel Robbery."
Press coverage of the robbery and trial creates lots of attention and encourages the story's adaptation for Calling All Cars, a popular police radio series with episodes dramatizing police reports and courtroom records.
"The Mae West Jewel Robbery," first heard February 21, 1934, features some detail changes. The Police Dispatcher you'll hear at the beginning of this dramatization is Jesse Rosenquist, a real-life LAPD dispatcher.
The character Dave Brennen replaces real-life criminal Henry Voiler.
The character Ed is Edward Friedman.
The character Sam is, apparently, Morris Cohen.
Martha Wentworth voices Mae West in this program.
The court dates are different from other sources.
Let's listen in.
SFX: CALLING ALL CARS OPEN, CAR MOTORS, POLICE SIRENS
JESSE ROSENQUIST
Los Angeles Police calling all cars. Attention all cars. Broadcast 69. A hold up. Suspect subscribed as 5 feet 10 or 11 inches. Weight about 190 pounds. Escape in a maroon colored coupe. License number unknown. The suspect held up and robbed Mae West, motion picture actress. of more than $15,000 in jewelry and cash. That is all. Got get 'em boys. That's all. Rosenquist.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
FREDERICK LINDSLEY
... it is with pleasure that Calling All Cars tonight brings you "The Mae West Jewel Robbery", with Miss Martha Wentworth playing her now famous impersonation of Miss West ... and now we turn the microphone over to Chief James E. Davis of the Los Angeles Police Department, who has a message for you.
CHIEF DAVIS
Good evening, friends. When I became chief of police, there were several crimes on the police records which had not, I felt, been investigated to the utmost.
To run down these crimes, I selected from the force three officers, Detective Lieutenants S.S. Stone, W.M. Robinson, and E.Y. Kynett, and appointed them special investigators working directly under my supervision.
Among these unsolved cases was the theft of the Mae West jewels. I assigned Robinson and Stone to work on this case, which was, at that time, more than a year old. Although every peace officer in Los Angeles County had worked diligently on this case, nothing had been discovered of any value. Still, I felt that the case could be solved.
The quickness and dispatch with which Lieutenants Robinson and Stone brought the case to a successful close speaks more volumes than any words I could utter in praise of them.
Tonight's dramatization is based completely on the confidential reports of the investigating officers and the court transcript of the trial of David Friedman. It has also been read and approved by the plaintiff, Miss Mae West. I turn now to Frederick Lindsley, who will tell you of the May West Jewel robbery.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
LINDSLEY
In the latter part of September 1932, May West's automobile is damaged in an accident. She is seriously inconvenienced by the lack of a car. And we find her in her apartment on North Rossmore, talking the situation over with her manager, James Timony.
MAE WEST
I'll tell you, Jim, it's a nuisance being without a car right now with this new picture startin'.
JAMES A. TIMONY
Yeah, you can rent a car.
MAE WEST
Yeah, and put your life in the hands of any palooka they send along to drive it.
TIMONY
You could use cabs.
MAE WEST
Oh, it's just as bad, and anyway, there's never a cab around the studio when you want one.
SFX: BUZZER FROM FRONT DESK TELEPHONE
MAE WEST
See who it is, will you, Jim?
TIMONY
Sure. (SPEAKING INTO TELEPHONE) Hello? Miss West's apartment. Who? They're still in it, I'll see. (TO MAE WEST) It's a Mr. Brennan in the lobby. You in?
MAE WEST
Oh, that's Dave. Sure. Tell him to come up.
TIMONY
(SPEAKING INTO TELEPHONE) Send him up, please. (TO MAE WEST) Hey, who is this guy?
MAE WEST
Oh, you heard me speak of Dave Brennan? His wife and I were good friends in the big town.
TIMONY
Oh, yeah. Seems to me I do remember the name.
(NOTE: Dave Brennan = Harry Voiler)
MAE WEST
Well, he looked me up at the studio today. Just driven in town. I told him to come up and see me some time. Well, Revolver, what's the matter with you? Hey, Jim, this monkey looks hungry. Did you feed him?
TIMONY
Yeah, right on the stroke of seven.
MAE WEST
Oh, okay. (TO REVOLVER) What is it, fellow? What are you trying to tell me? (TO TIMONY) Well, Jim, the Revolver here, he has more sense than any man I've ever met. Except for you, of course.
TIMONY
Thanks for the exception. After all, I'm your manager, and that does require some sense.
MAE WEST
Yeah, I guess it does.
SFX: DOOR BUZZER
MAE WEST
Well, that must be Dave, Jim. I'll let him in.
SFX: DOOR OPENS
MAE WEST
Hello, Dave. Good to see you again.
DAVE BRENNAN
Good to see you, Mae.
MAE WEST
Well, I didn't have a minute to talk to you this afternoon. Come on in. Oh, tell me, how's Marge?
BRENNAN
Fine as silk, Mae. Wants to be remembered to you and everything.
MAE WEST
Oh, gee, that's swell. Oh, Dave, this is Jim Timony. He's my manager. I don't think you ever met. Jim, this is Dave Brennan.
TIMONY
How do you do?
BRENNAN
Hello, Jim. I'm glad to know you.
MAE WEST
Sit down, Dave. Have a cigarette?
BRENNAN
Thanks. Gold tips, huh? Doing all right, ain't you, Mae? A little different from the time they closed "Pleasure Man" over in Jersey, huh?
MAE WEST
Well, it wasn't doing so bad then, either.
BRENNAN
Yeah, you ring the bell every time, Mae. Well, tell me, how's every little thing out here in Hollywood?
MAE WEST
Oh, it's okay. I can't complain. Only I'm walking instead of riding these days.
BRENNAN
Yeah, what are you talking about, Mae? You walking. (LAUGHS) You turned over in a new leaf?
MAE WEST
Oh, don't be funny. A lousy chauffeur of mine wrecked a car the other night, and I fired him. I'm still fixing the car, so I haven't a chauffeur or even a car to put him in.
BRENNAN
Gee, that's tough. But say, Mae, I'd be glad to help you out.
MAE WEST
What do you mean?
BRENNAN
Well, I'm not doing anything out here, just looking the place over. I'll drive you around.
MAE WEST
Oh, no, Dave, I couldn't ask you to do that.
BRENNAN
Why not? You're welcome to it.
MAE WEST
Oh, Jim, that sounds like the answer to a maiden's prayer.
TIMONY
Well, anyway, the answer to a prayer.
BRENNAN
Okay, then I'm your new chauffeur.
MAE WEST
Oh, Dave, I accept with pleasure.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
LINDSLEY
So, Dave Brennan, friend, serves as Miss West's chauffeur. In a few days, he's completely familiar with her daily schedule. Then on September 27th, 1932, as he is driving Timony and her along Wilshire Boulevard ...
SFX: CAR ENGINE RUNNING
MAE WEST
Hey, Dave, stop here a minute, will you?
DAVE BRENNAN
Where's that, Mae?
MAE WEST
The shop at the next corner. I wanna see about a fittin'.
TIMONY
Ah, come on, Mae. Let it go till later. I've got an appointment with that chatter-writer at the studio. You have a rehearsal.
MAE WEST
Oh, now, Jim, it'll only take a minute.
TIMONY
Yeah, I know your minutes. It means a couple of hours.
MAE WEST
Listen you eggs. I'll give you each a dollar for every minute I'm in here over ten.
TIMONY
That's a bet. Dave, that's the easiest dough you ever made.
MAE WEST
Yeah, if you make it.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION, CROSS FADE TO
SFX: AUTOMOBILE TRAFFIC
TIMONY
Well, here she comes at last.
BRENNAN
Yeah, look at all the bundles.
TIMONY
Yeah, what did I tell you? Bought the place out.
MAE WEST
Well, there boys. That wasn't long, was it?
TIMONY
Not much. Spent twenty-six minutes in there.
MAE WEST
Twenty six minutes? You're screwy.
BRENNAN
No, Mae, that's right. Twenty-six minutes.
TIMONY
So you owe us each sixteen bucks.
MAE WEST
It was worth it. I found some of the loveliest lingerie.
BRENNAN
Never mind what you found, Mae. Come on, pay off.
MAE WEST
Gee, I can't right now.
BRENNAN
Why not?
MAE WEST
Well, I haven't got the cash.
BRENNAN
Ahh go on, you're a piker.
MAE WEST
Ohh, on the level, I haven't any change.
BRENNAN
Woman, I don't trust you. Let's see your purse.
MAE WEST
Oh, here you are.
BRENNAN
Gee, three thousand dollar notes and four hundreds.
MAE WEST
Nothing smaller, so I can't pay off.
TIMONY
What's the idea, toting that fortune around with you, Mae?
MAE WEST
I just got it out of the bank. I'm sending it east. You know, my mother.
TIMONY
Yeah. It isn't safe to carry it around like that.
MAE WEST
I'm getting the postal order for it this afternoon.
TIMONY
No, no, you're not. We've got rehearsals all afternoon and all day tomorrow, too.
MAE WEST
Well, I'll have to carry it with me, then.
DAVE BRENNAN
(TO HIMSELF) Gee. Three grand and four Cs.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION, DUCK UNDER THE FOLLOWING
LINDSLEY
The next afternoon, Dave Brennan makes a date to meet a friend of his at the corner of 6th and Rampart.
ED[WARD FRIEDMAN]
Hello, Dave.
BRENNAN
Hello, Ed.
ED
This is a pal of mine. Shake hands with Sammy. He's one of the boys.
BRENNAN
Oh, yeah?
ED
Yeah. What's on your mind, Dave?
BRENNAN
Listen. Do you want to make a grand?
ED
What's the job?
BRENNAN
Grab Mae West's jewelry and her dough.
ED
Sure. That's worth a grand. How about my pal here?
BRENNAN
I'll cut him in for a grand, too.
ED
Fair enough. How about it, Sammy?
SAM
Well, fair enough.
BRENNAN
Okay. Hop in, and I'll take you out to the joint and give you the layout.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
BRENNAN
Well, here we are. There's the apartment house where she lives, see?
ED
Yeah, but it's gonna be sort of tough making a getaway from that joint.
BRENNAN
Wait a minute. You don't have to knock her over in there. Like I've been telling you, I've been driving her around, see? Now, every night after she leaves the studio, her and Jim Timony, that's her manager, and me, we all put on the feed bag together, see? And right on the dot of seven, we pull up here, and Timony goes up and feeds Revolver.
SAM
What do you mean? He loads his gat?
BRENNAN
No, no, no. Revolver's the name of her pet monkey.
SAM
Oh, oh! Oh, I get it.
BRENNAN
Now, look here. I drive her up here at seven sharp. I'll pull up by that fireplug across the street, see? Nobody'll be parked by it. There's sure to be a vacant place there.
ED
Yeah? Then what?
BRENNAN
You guys be parked right here. When you see Timony get out of the car and go into the apartment house, you move in, see?
ED
Easy.
BRENNAN
Get the rocks and the dough and take it on the lam. I'll meet you at 11 PM at the same place as this afternoon.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
LINDSLEY
That night, as is her custom, Miss West returns to her apartment house at seven o'clock and requests Timony to feed the monkey. She waits in the car, intending to go on to the fights. She has been chatting with Brennan about three minutes, when she notices a man, coat collar turned up around his face, hat pulled low, swagger across the street toward the car.
MAE WEST
Hey, Dave. I don't like the looks of this guy coming across the street.
BRENNAN
Who? Oh, him. Just some drunk, I guess.
MAE WEST
Maybe. But what's that he's got in his hand?
BRENNAN
I don't know. It looks like a handkerchief.
FRIEDMAN
It's a stick up. Hand over the poke.
MAE WEST AND BRENNAN
What?
FRIEDMAN
I said, "Hand over the poke." Come on. Give it to me. Now give me the bracelet. Quit stalling.
MAE WEST
Oh, don't get in a hurry.
BRENNAN
Take your time, buddy, you'll get it.
MAE WEST
Oh, there you are.
FRIEDMAN
Now, that necklace. Come on, make it snappy. Good. Now I'll have those rings.
MAE WEST
Well, you haven't overlooked anything, have you?
FRIEDMAN
(TO MAE WEST) No, I can't think of anything. Can you? (TO BRENNAN) Now, listen, Mug, start this car, keep on going, and don't look back.
MAE WEST
Okay, okay.
SFX: AUTOMOBILE ENGINE STARTS, CAR DRIVES AWAY
MAE WEST
Hey, Dave, stop.
BRENNAN
He said to keep on going.
MAE WEST
I don't care what he said, stop right here. I'm going to try to get his number.
BRENNAN
All right.
MAE WEST
The big mug.
BRENNAN
Well, he's liable to turn the heat on you, Mae. He sounded tough to me.
MAE WEST
Oh, he's nothing but a hoodlum.
BRENNAN
Well, did you see anything? No, I couldn't get the number. It's a coupé, that's all I made out of.
TIMONY
(APPROACHING) What's the matter, Mae? What's the idea of standing here in the middle of the street. Anything wrong?
MAE WEST
Oh, there's plenty wrong. Some mug just turned a rod on me and lifted my jewelry and that dough I was carrying.
TIMONY
Well, come on, let's report this to the police right away.
BRENNAN
Say, listen, Mae... I... I wouldn't do that.
MAE WEST
Yeah, why not?
BRENNAN
Well, if you get the bulls on this job, you may never see the rocks again. I tell you, these gun men are tough monkeys.
TIMONY
Well, what did you propose doing?
BRENNAN
Now, listen, you leave this thing to me for a few days, will you?
MAE WEST
Why? What could you do about it?
BRENNAN
Well, I have some connections back east. Might do some good out here. Let me look up some guys and maybe I can get the stuff back for you.
MAE WEST
What do you say Jim?
TIMONY
Well, if you think you can reclaim the stuff go to it Dave.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
LINDSLEY
Four hours later Dave does reclaim the stuff, for himself.
BRENNAN
(LAUGHING) Well, boys, that was one of the neatest jobs I ever saw pulled. Nothing messy, you know. Clean from start to finish.
ED
Thanks, Dave. Here's the stuff.
BRENNAN
Let me see. Ah, swell.
ED
Wait a minute. What about our cut?
BRENNAN
No, I'll pay you off in a couple of days.
SAM
Yeah, well, why not now? You got three grand notes there.
BRENNAN
Hey, you don't want to try to change a thousand-dollar bill with every bull in town looking for them. the way they may be tomorrow, do you?
SAM
Well, no.
BRENNAN
Now, I'm trying to stall Mae from reporting it to the cops, but she might jump out of line. Now, you fellas just leave this all to me, and I'll pay you guys off day after tomorrow.
SAM
Well, okay, Dave.
FRIEDMAN
Say, Dave.
BRENNAN
What?
ED
Hadn't you better return the ice?
BRENNAN
Why?
ED
Look, Dave, those rocks are her business. She looks like a good dame to me. We got a grand a piece of her dough. Ain't that enough?
BRENNAN
Yeah, but there might be another ten grand in sparklers there. Say, you don't expect me to turn that back, do you?
ED
Look, Dave, it's none of my business. I done the job for you, and you're gonna pay me off. What you do with the rocks is your own business. But if I was you, I'd turn 'em back. Geez, the dame's gonna make a picture soon, and she's gonna need 'em.
BRENNAN
Yeah? Well, uh, maybe you're right.
ED
Sure I am, Dave. Give 'em back to her.
BRENNAN
Okay, pal. I will.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
LINDSLEY
The next morning, Timony and Miss West are discussing the robbery in her apartment when the phone rings.
TIMONY
I'll answer it, Mae. Hello.
TELEPHONE VOICE
I want to talk to Miss West.
TIMONY
Who's speakin'? This is her manager.
TELEPHONE VOICE
Well, you'll do. About that hold-up last night...
TIMONY
Oh, yeah. (TO MAE WEST) Get a load of this, Mae. (TO VOICE ON TELEPHONE) Well, what about it?
TELEPHONE VOICE
I just wanted to tell you where you could find the purse.
TIMONY
Fine. Where is it?
TELEPHONE VOICE
Well, you go down Rossmoor from the apartment to Rosewood Avenue.
TIMONY
Yeah?
TELEPHONE VOICE
Then you turn to the right.
TIMONY
Yeah?
TELEPHONE VOICE
Well, in the middle of the block is a white garage, and behind the garage is a pile of lumber, and under the lumber, you'll find the purse.
TIMONY
Well, that's fine. Where is this Rosewood Avenue? I'm a stranger here in Los Angeles you know.
TELEPHONE VOICE
It ain't far from your apartment. This block, down Rossmoor.
TIMONY
What's that? I'm a little deaf.
TELEPHONE VOICE
I said, this block, down Rossmoor, from your apartment.
TIMONY
Yeah, I see, and, yeah, you said something about a garage.
TELEPHONE VOICE
Yeah, I said the purse is behind the white garage in the middle of the block, under a pile of lumber there.
TIMONY
Yeah, yeah, well, thanks. Who is this speaking?
TELEPHONE VOICE
Hey mug, you think I'm nuts. I'm doin' you a favor as is telling you where you can find that purse.
TIMONY
Yeah, I know, but I'd like to ... Hello? Hello? (TO MAE WEST) He hung up on me. Did you get that, Mae?
MAE WEST
Oh, most of it. What's the idea of all the stupid questions and that crack about being deaf?
TIMONY
Yeah, I just stallin' him until I could remember his voice if I ever got a chance to hear it again.
MAE WEST
Oh, smart boy, Jim. You ought to be a cop. You got the figure for it, anyway.
TIMONY
Yeah, that's, uh...
MAE WEST
Well, they left a purse for me, huh?
TIMONY
Yeah.
MAE WEST
Oh, I wonder if there's anything in it.
TIMONY
Well, let's take a walk over there and find out.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION, DUCK UNDER AND OUT.
LINDSLEY
Miss West and Timony, follow Friedman's directions and recover the purse under the lumber pile, but it is empty. Two weeks pass, and Brennan's daily promises to contact the jewel thieves come to naught.
Finally, Miss West, advised by friends in New York, contacts Lieutenant F. L. James of the police gangster squad and makes a confidential report of the holdup.
James devotes weeks of his time to the case. The sheriff's office and the district attorney's investigators also work on it, but no substantial clue is discovered.
Months pass. The Maywest Jewel robbery becomes another unsolved crime.
Then, James E. Davis is appointed chief of police. Shortly after taking office, he calls Detective Lieutenants Stone, Robeson, and Kynette into his office for a conference.
DAVIS
Boys, beginning today, you three are to work out of this office as special investigators directly under my supervision. You will be relieved of all routine duties, and I want you to spend all your time on certain cases which haven't been cleared up yet.
There are a bunch of robberies that have been hanging fire. For one reason or another, no arrests have been made, and no substantial clues turned up. You know the way I feel about such a state of affairs.
I have yet to see the perfect crime. There is no case that can't be solved. It's up to you boys to prove that I'm right. The first case I want you to go to work on is that Mae West jewel robbery. Go out and get the men that did that job and bring them in here. We'll put them away for a while where they can't bother anyone.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC TRANSITION
LINDSLEY
Detective Stone and Robinson studied the investigation report from the officers who had originally worked on the case, and then planned their criminological strategy.
OFFICER A
Well, it's clear from these reports that only two people knew Miss West was carrying that dough around with her.
OFFICER B
Yeah, but remember, she says here that she thinks maybe somebody spotted the diamonds at the fight.
OFFICER A
Ahh, that doesn't mean anything. The first thing the stick-up man said was, "Hand me the poke." The only thing in the purse he wanted was the money.
OFFICER B
Yeah, that's right.
OFFICER A
Now, two people knew about that money, Timony and Brennan.
OFFICER B
Yeah, and Timony's out. He's been her manager and trusted friend for years.
OFFICER A
Right. So that leaves Brennan, who, after all, was only a casual friend. Let's work on that angle.
OFFICER B
Holmes, your deduction is astounding.
OFFICER A
Elementary, my dear Watson. Elementary.
OFFICER B
Well, all right. Let's get a line on this Brennan guy.
MUSIC: FOR TRANSITION
LINDSLEY
The investigation of Brennan's acquaintances limits itself finally to Edward Freedman as the man most closely resembling the general description of height and weight given in Miss West's report.
Freedman, having been booked on a previous charge, the police records include his picture and fingerprints. Stone and Robeson take Miss West, the mug of Freeman, for identification.
OFFICER A
Well, is this your man, Miss West?
MAE WEST
Oh, let me see now. Oh, he's sort of dark and handsome, isn't he?
OFFICER B
Well, what about it? Is he the guy?
MAE WEST
Oh, I can't tell for sure. You see, he had his hat pulled down and his coat collar turned up, so his face was pretty well hidden. But if I could hear his voice or see his hands, why, then I'd be sure.
OFFICER B
What do you mean, see his hands?
MAE WEST
Well, he had short, pudgy hands. That was the one thing about him that impressed me.
OFFICER A
Well, we'll run this guy down and let you get a look at his hands.
MUSIC: TRANSITION, DRAMATIC MUSIC
LINDSLEY
Stone and Robeson set out to run down Freedman, but they are blocked when they discover that he's out of town.
A couple of weeks pass, and then an anonymous telephone call informs them that he's returned. For several days, they cruise the neighborhood of 6th and Dunsmuir, where Friedman lived without spotting his car.
Then on Thanksgiving Day, accompanied by their wives to avert suspicion, they once more visit the place. This time, they are successful in locating Friedman's coupé parked on 6th Street. For two hours, they wait, parked nearby. And then at last a man comes out of an apartment house and approaches the car.
They recognize him from the picture in the mug book as Friedman. As he gets into the coupe, Robeson walks up to the right side and Stone closes in on the left side of the car.
OFFICER
Open that door.
FRIEDMAN
What's the big idea?
OFFICER
We're from the detective bureau. Get out.
FRIEDMAN
What's the rap?
OFFICER
We want you for the Mae West robbery.
FRIEDMAN
It's a bum beef.
OFFICER
Come on. Get out of the car.
FRIEDMAN
I'm coming, you big flathead.
SFX: FIGHT BETWEEN FRIEDMAN AND THE DETECTIVES
FRIEDMAN
All right. All right. I'll go.
ROBERTSON
Set the braces on him, Bill.
WILLIAM STONE
Okay.
ROBERTSON
All right, let's go.
LINDSLEY
Stone and Robertson take Freedman to the university police station where they question him.
OFFICER
You know Dave Brennan?
FRIEDMAN
No.
OFFICER
We know you do.
FRIEDMAN
Well, so what?
OFFICER
We want that jewelry back.
FRIEDMAN
That lousy jewelry. Brennan promised to return it to Mae West. If he had, I wouldn't be here now.
OFFICER
What did you get for that job?
FRIEDMAN
All I got was a grand.
OFFICER
It's hardly worth it, was it, Freedman?
FRIEDMAN
Well, I need the dough. But it was a cryin' shame to take that dame's rocks.
OFFICER
Well, what are you gonna do about it now?
FRIEDMAN
I'll take my rap, and I'll take that double-crossin' Rat Brannan to the pen with me.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC TRANSITION
LINDSLEY
Having obtained Friedman's full confessuib, Lieutenant Stone calls Miss West and informs her that they have a suspect in custody who has confessed.
Miss West asks him to bring the man over to the apartment at once. She and Timony greet them outside the apartment house.
STONE
Miss West, this is Mr. Freedman, the suspect I told you about.
FRIEDMAN
I remember Miss West from the night I held her up.
MAE WEST
Oh, yeah. I remember your voice now. This is the man, all right, Lieutenant.
STONE
Well, what would you say, Mr. Timony?
TIMONY
Sounds like him to me, but I'd have to hear his voice on the phone to be sure.
ROBERTSON
Well, I guess we could arrange that, too, Mr. Timony.
MAE WEST
Listen, Lieutenant, I'd like to talk to Mr. Friedman alone. Mind if we get into the car? It's kind of cold standing out here.
OFFICER
Sure, go ahead.
SFX: CAR DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE
MAE WEST
Well, here, pal. What was the big idea?
FRIEDMAN
Listen, Miss West, I'm sorry about the whole thing. I really am. If I'd known you were so regular, I never would have agreed to do it.
MAE WEST
Well, it's all very nice to hear, but how about them diamonds of mine, huh?
FRIEDMAN
I don't know where they are. I got a grand for the job, and I was through. Brennan took the rocks.
MAE WEST
Oh, so Brennan was in on it, eh?
FRIEDMAN
Sure.
MAE WEST
Oh, that's the limit. And I call that guy a friend, I guess I'm just a chump.
FRIEDMAN
I made Brennan promise to return the diamonds.
MAE WEST
Oh, you're good at moving mountains, too?
FRIEDMAN
I wanted to come and tell you about it a lot of times. If I could have gotten the jewels back for you, I would.
MAE WEST
Well, you're not a bad guy, Friedman. I don't know, but I feel kind of sorry for you. But that double-crossing Brennan, if I could get my hands on him...
FRIEDMAN
You and me both.
MUSIC: TRANSITION
LINDSLEY
The long arm of the law reaches out for Brennan, and he is arrested in Chicago. Freedman is indicted by the grand jury on December 4 on two counts of robbery, the Mae West job and a prior holdup. On January 24th, 1934, Friedman goes on trial before Judge Harry Sewell.
Day after day, the courtroom is packed as Mae West gives her testimony. On February 2nd, the jury is given its instructions and retires.
At 1 a.m. on February 3, the jury files back into the still-crowded courtroom.
SFX: WALLAH, ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
JUDGE SEWELL
Gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?
JURY FOREMAN
(OFF MIC) We have, Your Honor.
JUDGE SEWELL
Read the verdict, please.
JURY FOREMAN
(OFF MIC) We, the members of the jury, find the defendant Edward Friedman guilty as charged in the indictment of robbery in the second degree.
SFX: WALLAH FROM FRIEDMAN AND OTHERS IN THE COURTROOM.
VOICE
Stand back there.
VOICE
Get some water someone.
MAE WEST
Well, what seems to be the matter, Jim.
TIMONY
Friedman has fainted.
MAE WEST
Awww, tough guy, huh? Just a poor hoodlum. He can dish it out, but he can't take it.
MUSIC: TO CONCLUSION
LINDSLEY
Judge Sewell sentenced Freedman, for from two years to life, in San Quentin Penitentiary. He appealed his case, and the appellate court confirmed the judgment. Stubbornly, he carried his fight to the state Supreme Court, but that august body refused to review his case, and Freedman must serve his time.
Dave Brennan, instigator of the plot, was arrested in Chicago, jumped a $10,000 bond and traveled to Miami, Florida, where he was arrested again. Although Captain Stone traveled all the way to Miami to bring back his man, the governor of Florida ruled that as Brennan was under bond in Illinois he would have to be extradited from that state. So the fight for extradition goes on.
We the police have performed our duty and discharged our obligation to Miss West and to society in apprehending these criminals. But how quickly they can be locked behind prison bars is a question that can only be answered by those who manipulate the red tape of the law.
MUSIC: TO CLOSE
SFX: JESSE ROSENQUIST CLOSING
ROSENQUIST
Los Angeles police calling all cars, attention all cars. Cancellation of broadcast 69 regarding a hold-up. The suspect described in this broadcast is now in custody. That's all. Rosenquist.
HOST
That was "The Mae West Jewel Robbery," an episode of Calling All Cars, the police procedural. William Robson, who went on to Columbia Workshop, produced and directed the episode which used police and court records to tell the story. I hope you enjoyed listening.
MUSIC: RIR THEME FOR BREAK
THE RIR BREAK
MUSIC: RIR THEME. ESTABLISH, THEN FADE OUT UNDER THE FOLLOWING.
HOST
This is Re-Imagined Radio, a program about the power and shared experience of sound-based storytelling. There's nothing to see, but everything to hear. With each episode, we explore classic and contemporary audio drama, reexamining radio's rich storytelling traditions and reintroducing listeners to forgotten or overlooked works that continue to resonate today. Here are some examples from previous episodes.
SFX: RE-IMAGINED RADIO AUDIO TRAILER
HOST
More information about listening opportunities, including our YouTube channel, is available at our website ... reimaginedradio DOT fm.
MUSIC: RIR THEME, ESTABLISH, THEN DUCK UNDER THE FOLLOWING
EPILOGUE
HOST
Due to her risqué reputation in theater and motion pictures, Mae West is restricted from radio during the 1930s to avoid censorship issues.
However, there ARE a few radio appearances by West, and two are especially interesting.
On December 12, 1937, West appears twice on The Chase and Sanborn Hour, a weekly variety program heard on NBC Radio. In her appearances West pushes the limits of 1930s morality further than comfortable for listeners, prompting the Federal Communications Commission to issue a statement about radio's morality code.
West's first appearance is the nine minute "Garden of Eden" sketch, written by Arch Oboler. She plays Eve to host Don Ameche's Adam. Ventriloquist Edgar Bergen and his dummy Charley McCarthy voice the snake. This is considered West's most historic radio appearance. You can listen and follow the transcript at the episode page at our website, reimaginedradio [dot] FM.
Mae West's second skit on The Chase and Sanborn Hour is "Mae West versus Charlie McCarthy." Let's listen in.
SFX: SAMPLE FROM "MAE WEST VS. CHARLEY MCCARTHY," THE CHASE AND SANBORN HOUR
ANNOUNCER
Ladies and gentlemen, at last the long-awaited meeting of Siren Mae West and Casanova Charles McCarthy has arrived. This is a romantic battle of the century. The dramatic moment that millions have been looking forward to. Tension is running high and so are the bets. The odds are Mae West five, Charlie McCarthy three. There's some talk that Charlie will weaken. They say no man can resist her. But there are others who feel that Charlie will vanquish the vampire. Wait a minute, wait a minute, last-minute flash. There's been a drop in the odds. Mae wears four, Charlie McCarthy four and a half. Let's get a word from the challenger, Charlie McCarthy. What do you, what have you got to say, Charlie?
CHARLIE
It looks like a tough fight, man, but I think I'll win.
ANNOUNCER
Why do you say it's a tough fight?
CHARLIE
Well, my opponent's in great form. She's had lots of training.
ANNOUNCER
What do you think of your chance of winning?
CHARLIE
Well, I've had some great fights in the East.
ANNOUNCER
What do you think of West?
CHARLIE
Mighty pretty country, mighty pretty.
ANNOUNCER
Well, Charlie's never been in better condition. He's a fashion plate with his midnight blue full dress suit, top hat and monocle and a blue white butterfly tie and dress shirt.
CHARLIE
Yeah, it's P.K. P.K. tie and shirt. Yeah, shot with gravy.
ANNOUNCER
And now a word from the champion. Mae West. We've heard so much about you, Miss West. Won't you say a word?
WEST
Well, all I've got to say is where there's smoke, there's fire.
CHARLIE
Wow. Boy, she burns me up.
WEST
There's nothing I'd like better than the aroma of burning wood.
CHARLIE
I wonder if she means me.
EDGAR BERGEN
Better watch out, Charlie. Say, Charlie, do you smell that perfume?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
BERGEN
Isn't it ravishing?
CHARLIE
Yes, it is. It's ravishing. It's weakening. So help me I'm swooning. What is it?
WEST
Why, it's my favorite perfume. Ashes of men.
CHARLIE
Ashes of men, holy smoke. She's not gonna make a cinder out of me.
EDGAR BERGEN
Well, Don, there's been a great deal of talk but very little action so far.
ANNOUNCER
Right you are, Edgar. Miss West, this is the famous Charlie McCarthy.
WEST
Hello, short, dark, and handsome.
CHARLIE
Hello, tall, blonde, and terrific.
BERGEN
Charlie, that's no way to talk to Miss West. You hardly know her.
CHARLIE
I know it, Bergen. I'm a cad. I hate myself.
WEST
Oh, listen, Charlie. Are these your keys?
CHARLIE
Oh, thanks, Mae. Did I leave them in the car?
WEST
No, you left them in my apartment.
CHARLIE
OH, OH. Looks like we're going to have a white Christmas. Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells.
BERGEN
Charlie, Charlie, where did you leave those keys?
CHARLIE
I, I, I, I, I, I
BERGEN
Where'd you leave those keys.
CHARLIE
I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm telling you ...
WEST
Ahh, he ahh left them on my dresser. So what? Charlie, why don't you walk out on Bergen? What's holding you?
CHARLIE
Well, he is. Ehhh. You better tell him, Mae.
WEST
Well, if you wanna know, he did come up to see me.
BERGEN
Oh he did! And what was he doing up there?
WEST
Well, Charlie came up and I showed him my etchings (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) and he showed me his stamp collection.
CHARLIE
There you have it, Bergen. There you have it.
BERGEN
So that's all there was to it. Just etchings and a stamp collection?
CHARLIE
He's so naive.
WEST
So that's what's the matter with him. Come here, honey, closer, so we can talk intimately.
CHARLIE
Yeah, well, if you don't mind, I think I'd better keep my distance.
WEST
Well, I don't like long-distance conversations, so come here. I thought you were gonna have a nice long talk Tuesday night at my apartment. Where did you go when the doorbell rang?
CHARLIE
Well, I tried to hide in your clothes closet, but two guys kicked me out. So I went out the back door.
WEST
Don't tell me you went out through the French windows. I'm on the third floor, you know.
CHARLIE
Oh, so that's what it was, the French windows, huh? I was gonna say you were pretty skimpy with those back steps.
WEST
Oh, you look pretty good to me, Charlie ...? Come here.
CHARLIE
But I thought you only liked tall men.
WEST
Oh, that was my last year's model. This year I'm on a diet.
BERGEN
Oh, so that's why. You're on a diet. Tell me, Miss West, have you ever found the one man in your life that you could really love?
WEST
Sure, lots of times.
CHARLIE
Oh, I see. Could you even like Mr. Bergen?
WEST
Oh, Mr. Bergen? Well, of course. He's very sweet. In fact, he's the right guy. Confidentially, you'll have to show me a man I don't like.
CHARLIE
That's swell. Bergen's your man. You know, he can be had.
WEST
On second thought, I'm liable to take him away from you. I don't want you to see him.
CHARLIE
Well, if you take Bergen away, I'm speechless.
WEST
You ain't afraid I'll do you wrong.
CHARLIE
Well, now that you ask ... I ...
WEST
Or are you afraid I'll do you right.
CHARLIE
Well, I'm slightly confused. I need time for that one, Mae.
WEST
That's all right. I like a man what takes his time. Why don't you come up home with me now, honey? I'll let you play in my woodpile.
CHARLIE
I'm not feeling very well tonight, I've been so nervous lately, I think I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown. Wait, there I go. Ahh.
WEST
So, good time Charlie's gonna play hard to get, but you can't kid me, you're afraid of women. Your Casanova stuff is just a front, a false front.
CHARLIE
Not so loud, Mae, not so loud. All my girlfriends are listening.
WEST
Oh yeah, you're all wood and a yard long. You weren't so nervous when you came up to see me in my apartment. In fact, you didn't need any encouragement to kiss me.
CHARLIE
Did I do that?
WEST
Oh, you certainly did. I got marks to prove it. Splinters, too.
CHARLIE
Oh, that's too much. This is too much.
WEST
Well, get this. I don't need you. I got all the gentleman friends I want. Why, I got men for every mood. Men for every day of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. A good man Friday, after a good man Saturday. I change my men like I change my clothes and you ... you ...
CHARLIE
Mae, Mae you're not walking out on me are you?
WEST
I've got a reputation at stake. No man walks out on me. They might carry them out but they never walk out.
CHARLIE
I'm mad about you ... I love you ... I've acted like a fool.
WEST
That wasn't action. Come here. I'll show you how to act.
CHARLIE
Mae, Mae! Don't be so rough. To me, love is peace and quiet.
WEST
That ain't love, that's sleep.
CHARLIE
Cut it out, Mae ... Help me ... May ... Ameche, help me.
WEST
Oh, call on [Don] Ameche. Call Bergen ... call everybody. I don't need any help.
HOST
The second interesting radio appearance by Mae West is her December 5, 1949 guest appearance on Chesterfield Supper Club, hosted by Perry Como.
Como and West talk and sing together, and perform a skit based on Shakesphere's "Romeo and Juliet." West performs a commercial for Chesterfield cigarettes that defies description. Let's listen in.
SFX: FADE THE FOLLOWING SAMPLE UP UNDER ANNOUNCER'S DIALOGUE. WHEN ANNOUNCER FINISHES TALKING FADE UP FULL JUST BEFORE COMO SPEAKS
SFX: SAMPLES FROM DEC. 5, 1949 CHESTERFIELD SUPPER CLUB, PERRY COMO AND MAE WEST.
SFX: ENTHUSIASTIC AUDIENCE APPLAUSE FOLLOWING INTRODUCTION OF MAE WEST.
COMO
Oh, it's good to see you, Miss West.
WEST
Oh, you're not bad to look at yourself.
COMO
(LAUGHTER) Well, thank you. You know, you look, you really look wonderful in that beautiful dress. And those diamonds.
WEST
The dress warms them up and the ice cools them off.
COMO
Yes. You know, that's to give a guy pneumonia. But what a wonderful way to go.
WEST
Well, there's something that's got a kind of a pungent odor around here.
COMO
Oh, that's me. It's a new cologne I'm wearing called "My Crime".
WEST
That's you. Certainly is.
COMO
Well, I'm sorry.
WEST
Why don't you try some of mine?
COMO
What's yours called?
WEST
Panther Passion.
COMO
Panther Passion?
WEST
Yeah, one wisp in you leave.
COMO
I'm afraid that's a little too powerful for me.
WEST
Well, all you need is a little drop behind each ear.
COMO
Okay, I'll try some.
WEST
Wait. How's that?
COMO
Hey, that's... that's not bad at all.
WEST
Just what the bottle says. Guaranteed to bring the wolf to the door.
COMO
I'm... I'm... I'm no wolf. I'm a perfect gentleman.
WEST
Oh, which are you? Perfect? Or gentleman.
COMO
Well, I'm not a...
MITCHEL AYERS
Say, Perry, how about introducing me?
COMO
Oh, sure. Miss West, I'd like you to meet Mitchell Ayers.
AYERS
Hello, Miss West.
WEST
Oh, Mr. Ayers.
COMO
He's a big one, isn't he?
WEST
Yeah. To bad I'm on a diet right now.
AYERS
Say, Perry, I think I'd better get back to the orchestra. It's getting kind of warm over here.
COMO
Okay, Miss.
WEST
He's the kind you got to keep in a home freezer.
MARTIN BLUNT
Hey, hey, Perry, how about me?
COMO
Oh, of course, Miss West, this is Martin Block.
WEST
Mr. Block?
BLOCK
Hello, Miss West. What do you say? How about a date sometime?
WEST
A date? I'll have to put you on my waiting list.
COMO
Look, you'll have to excuse Mitch and Martin, but men will be men.
WEST
Oh, I wouldn't want them to be anything else.
COMO
Well, let's talk about you, May. This is a real event, having you here on radio,
WEST
And I'm glad it was you that asked. You know, your voice has always fascinated me.
COMO
Well, it's nice to hear you say that.
WEST
I buy all your records, but I can't keep them very long.
COMO
Well, why not?
WEST
Well, after I listen to you sing...
COMO
Yeah, yeah, yeah
WEST
...and I take the record off the phonograph, the wax melts.
COMO
But maybe you have too much steam in your apartment.
WEST
Steam in my apartment?
COMO
I see what you mean, Mae, and I'm also a very great fan of yours. I saw you in your hit show "Diamond Lil," and you you were wonderful.
WEST
Thank you.
COMO
You know, Mae, you not only did some fine acting in "Diamond Lil," You did some pretty terrific sinning ... singing.
WEST
Oh, oh, I see what you mean.
COMO
So how about doing a song for us?
WEST
Well, I'd rather hear you sing. I told you, your voice fascinated me.
COMO
Well...
WEST
And when I get fascinated, anything might happen.
COMO
Okay, the Fontaine sisters and I will do our version of "I Wanna Go home with You."
WEST
Oh, Swell!
COMO
Oh, but wait a minute. Wait a minute. I forgot. The three girls aren't here. So it looks like you'll have to take their place. Would you mind, Mae?
WEST
Not at all. I've taken the place of three women before.
COMO
Okay, give us a downbeat. Ah, Mae, you wouldn't want to take, especially on such a lovely night, you wouldn't want to take a ride in a car, would you?
WEST
No.
COMO
You wouldn't want to go down to the corner and have an ice cream cone, would you?
WEST
No. Say, what are you leading up to, honey?
COMO
(SINGING) I want to go home with you.
WEST
It's a little early, isn't it?
COMO
(SINGING) I want to go home with you.
WEST
Just like baseball, a man is safe at home.
COMO
(SINGING) I want to meet the family.
WEST
I live alone.
COMO
(SINGING) I'm sure to tell the truth of me, I want to go home. Where do you--
WEST
what's the matter? Did you lose the key?
COMO
(SINGING) Nobody else will do.
WEST
Do what?
COMO
(SINGING) Yes, goodnight at your front door. Makes me love you more and more.
WEST
Have you ever tried kissing in the revolving door?
COMO
(SINGING) I wanna go home with you.
WEST
A man in the house is worth two on the street any time.
COMO
(SINGING, CONCLUDES) Oh, I wanna go home with you. (APPLAUSE)
COMO
Ah, hey! You know, that was a lot of fun.
WEST
Oh, here comes that Casanova again.
COMO
Oh, you mean Martin? Yes. He looks like he's really got a winner, too.
WEST
Terrific, if you like girls. I happen to like the opposite sex.
COMO
So I've heard.
WEST
In fact, Perry, you being in that category makes me want to do things for you.
COMO
Well, now is your chance because right here is where you and I are going to do "Romeo and Juliet."
WEST
Umm ...
COMO
All right, Martin, will you set the scene?
MARTIN BLOCK
(MUSICAL FANFARE) Chesterfield Supper Club presents "Romeo and Juliet." starring Mae West and Perry Como, produced by Mae West, directed by Mae West, and approved by Mae West, from an idea by William Shakespeare.
COMO
What soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the sun, and Juliet is the sun.
WEST
Oh, Comeo. Wherefore art thou, Comeo?
COMO
Down here in yonder orchard, below your balcony.
WEST
Why don't you come up and see me sometime?
COMO
But Juleit, the orchard walls are high and hard to climb.
WEST
All right, forget the balcony. We'll go and meet on the mezzanine.
COMO
Ah, yes, but can we smoke in the mezzanine?
WEST
At a time like this, you think of Chesterfields, huh?
COMO
Juliet, fair Juliet, let me hear thine voice once more.
WEST
OK.
COMO
She speak. Oh, peak again, bright angel.
WEST
I may be bright, but I ain't no angel.
COMO
Juliet, I love thee.
WEST
Not an original statement, but I like it.
COMO
Dear Juliet...
WEST
Shh, quiet, Comeo. I hear some noise from within my room.
COMO
Maybe 'tis yon mouse in your room.
WEST
I shall go and see.
COMO
Do not fear, Juliet, whether it be man or mouse.
WEST
Well, if it's a mouse, I'll call for help.
COMO
Oh, blessed, blessed night. I'm afeard being in night. All this is but a dream. Ah, what a dream.
WEST
Hey, Comeo.
COMO
Yes, my dear?
WEST
'Tis almost dawn. I better not have thee hanging around my balcony.
COMO
I whilst depart immediately. My mule train awaits.
WEST
Oh, parting is such sweet sorrow. But if I know my men, I shall be glad. He'll be back tomorrow,
COMO
and now I go, Mrs. Juliet.
WEST
Oh, don't go. Baby, it's cold outside. Why not come in and have some hot chocolate? Very hot.
COMO
Yea and verily.Now wait a minute, Mae. Shakespeare kept the two lovers apart.
WEST
Well, would you rather do it his way or mine? (LAUGHING). Come on in.
COMO
All right.
MUSIC: UPBEAT
COMO
Hey, that was really wonderful, and before you go, I'd like you to give us a little advice.
WEST
Advice? Advice about what?
COMO
Well, about selling Chesterfields.
WEST
Oh, if it's about Chesterfields, okay. Well, I say, Chesterfields are mmm, mmm, mmm.
COMO
Now, what do you mean Chesterfields are mmm, mmm, mmm,
WEST
mmm, much milder, mmm, much better tasting, mmm, much cooler smoking.
COMO
Mmm, you're so right.
WEST
Why, every man I know smokes Chesterfields, and that's a lot of men.
COMO
What about the women? Women smoke Chesterfields, too, you know.
WEST
The women? Well, that's your department, ahh. So long. Thanks a million.
COMO
So long, Mae, and thank you very much for being with us.
MUSIC: RIR THEME, ESTABLISH, THEN DUCK UNDER THE FOLLOWING
HOST CREDITS
HOST
This episode of Re-Imagined Radio, number ninety-five, is called "Mae West Jewel Robbery." It's both a tribute and a documentary, connected by diamond jewelry, about Mae West, star of stage and screen, who throughout her career spoke out for women's rights, liberation, sexuality, and equality in her inimitable style. Her approach challenged the way the status quo thought women should act. Attempts to censor and silence Mae West only elevated her status as an international icon. With her persona, wit, and bawdy innuendos, she made scandal stylish. Thanks for listening.
MUSIC: RIR THEME, UP BRIEFLY, THEN DUCK UNDER THE FOLLOWING
HOST
Re-Imagined Radio is produced in collaboration with The Electronic Literature Lab at Washington State University Vancouver.
Episodes of Re-Imagined Radio are broadcast and streamed by partner community radio stations KXRW-FM (Vancouver), KXRY-FM (Portland), and KNOM-AM (Nome). If you or your community radio station would like to help, contact us through our website, reimagined radio [DOT] fm.
Sound design, original music composition, and post-production by Marc Rose.
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That's all. Thank you for listening. John Barber, producer and host.
MUSIC: RIR THEME UP, THEN DUCK UNDER THE FOLLOWING
ANNOUNCER CLOSE
ANNOUNCER
This is a production of Re-Imagined Radio. To learn more, visit our website, reimaginedradio (all one word, no punctuation) DOT fm. 
Please join us for another episode of Re-Imagined Radio as we continue our exploration of sound-based storytelling.
MUSIC: RIR THEME UP, AND TO END.